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Dear Neurotypical. Thank you for stopping by. We know you're not Typical. Here, Neurotypical simply refers to those not on the spectrum.
A Bit About Autism And Socialising
Though not our choice,
Socials
Are Tiring.
We Give Our Best.
Connecting
Though autistic people can find socialising tiring, connecting is a basic human need, from which we all benefit, including us. Talking and sharing can breathe life into a person, no matter how brief or innocuous the encounter. Many autistic folk like people.
Overstimulation
Like anyone, those on the autism spectrum benefit from social interaction, but, unlike most neurotypical people, we are not wired for mingling at parties or participating in consecutive get-togethers. Continuous stimulation leads to brain drain, which can result in recovery time when we allow ourselves to become overstimulated. One example of this might be feeling tired but unable to sleep after a nighttime event. For the autistic person, a loud party quickly morphs into mayhem when everyone speaks at once. Moreover, if everyone is talking over the music, forget it. Such a scenario makes it impossible for us to concentrate on anything, much less hold a conversation. When we become overstimulated, we have one option: to leave the room. The bathroom will do. If noise still booms, the car? It is essential to know that, for autistic people, unwanted noise can be physically painful.
Push !!!
Our brains have more weight to lift in any given social situation, and so, sensory input takes its toll. We do not adapt well, either, which makes us appear unaccommodating. For the autistic individual, there is much to negotiate when in company, which the neurotypical executes with ease. For us, it is a bit like verbal volleyball. Only so long can we bat that so-called ball over that social net and remain invigorated. And, still, we do not know how we are being received, despite giving our all. We are more likely to question ourselves after the fact than other people, because, darlings, we were born without the "Social Code".
You, on the other hand, were born with this enigmatic Social Code, yet you are not aware of it. In many ways, this Code remains mysterious to the conscious mind of the neurotypical. The difference is that you know the Code unconsciously. We do not. Bundled within the Social Code is responding to social cues adequately, which autistic folk do not have the mechanism for. If we get social cues right, they are by chance, or they have been studied and learned. When it comes to social cues, the latter is more common, as we process social information intellectually rather than automatically. We are not necessarily being rude when we do not do or say something you expect. Nor are we necessarily being rude when we do or say something you do not expect. We may have missed a social cue. If you want something from us, it is better to bring your need to your conscious mind, then verbalise.
It is beneficial to realise that autism is a neurological difference.
Eye contact is high on the social code list of European/Australian culture, which feels more like an invasion for us. Staring into people's eyes, unless with people with whom we are intimate, is uncomfortable. Besides, we can listen to you more intently when we are not looking at you. Though social occasions are not typically our forte, we will often go all out. That is where masking comes into the equation. We know you have expectations when communicating, yet we cannot be sure what they are. Of course, some expectations are common, and we aim to meet them and to be socially accepted. If you give it some thought, that Social Code fills in a lot of blanks for the Neurotypical. In our case, guessing can be taxing, as interpersonal expectations differ from person to person. A social life is less complicated for us when you are open and candid during conversation. We want to get to know you, so when it comes to social engagement and meeting people, quiet one-on-one interaction is usually better for the autistic individual, who can better control the encounter. Control should not be confused with being controlling. Our need for control is about finding the right environment that will enable us to process the information you give us, which is as much for our benefit as for yours. In the right conditions, we get the best of you, and you get the best of us.
Recovery
With our brains having lifted weight after weight in a social setting, we get socialised out quicker than we would prefer. We often push ourselves too far to please others, and then need to recover. Recovery does not always mean being out for the count. For many of us, recovery means returning to our special interests. The nature of our passions runs the gamut, yet nothing charges our battery so wholly. Our brains have an endless supply of energy when left to our own devices. We excel at detail-focused processing. Leave us be and see what we come up with. We will want to tell you about it in our own time. And so goes the process.
