Discovering how autism ‘fits’ me has been the single most significant discovery of my life. Far more significant than the theory I developed through my PhD. This complex process of understanding I might be autistic began through reading Hannah Gadsby’s memoir ‘Ten Steps to Nanette’, during the summer of 2022-2023. Hannah writes candidly about her experience of being neurodivergent and subsequently receiving an ADHD and Autism diagnosis. My partner Cherie and I both read Hannah’s memoir and observed significant parallels between Hannah’s story and mine. Being all too familiar with the pitfalls of self-diagnosis, I took a deep dive into the research literature. I am an academic after all!. Every step of that process was revealing, especially the difficulties associated with the pathway from hunch to diagnosis.

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Through my literature review I located the research laboratory team Embrace Autism, intended as a platform to distribute research and experience-based information on neurodivergence. Dr Natalie Engelbrecht developed this body of work to empower neurodivergent queer, other gendered, people of colour and indigenous folk make sense of life and offer a strength-based lens to help acknowledge the full spectrum of attributes associated with neurodivergence. Embrace Autism offers access to validated screening tools, and links to relevant research. I completed every psychometric measure (and more) the site lists as being part of their screening process for diagnostic assessment. I scored very well! And cried a lot.

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It soon became clear to me this pathway can be prohibitively difficult as neurodivergence in older queer women like me remains chronically underdiagnosed. I was determined to find accessibility and traction within the system. This was not a smooth process. Accessing a clinical specialist who works with neurodivergent queer adult women to perform the assessment was essential for me. After interviewing seven different neuroaffirming therapists, I signed up with the one who made me feel safest.

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I anxiously awaited (a relatively short period of three months) to go through the clinical diagnostic process. This process would determine whether I am autistic, an ADHDer and/or an OCDer. I had huge difficulties sleeping during this time and found it nearly impossible to get myself to work. I entered into a cycle of meltdowns and eventually had to shut down all social engagements. During this time my lifeforce was sustained through engaging with neuroaffirming biographies and podcasts. I furiously took notes while reading and listening – just as a good social anthropologist should! I subsequently wrote a 45,000 word thesis, in which I organised relevant information aligned with the DSM 5 criteria to support my clinical diagnostic process.

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As autism is a lifelong developmental condition, my thesis described how I was in the past, from early childhood, primary school, high school, university to the present. I reflected on when I first noticed the symptoms, with a focus on of how I function in both my inner world and the world outside. When I shared my thesis with the clinical psychologist who conducted my assessment, they commented that published clinical research about autistic queer late diagnosed women is lagging at least a couple of decades behind what is being presented in clinical settings – such as my story. They encouraged me to publish my 45,000 word thesis. This is my next big adventure.